Vonne's

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Mama's words, grapes, birthday suit.>

I've never been much of a good girl. Neither have i been i mama's girl. But, there is one thing i do. i remember my mom's words and i take them to heart. She wont hurt me, neither would she want to do anything to destroy me...so...i listen, although i dont always let her know it.
She said something which greatly disturbed me today. However, her words were very similar to how i feel abt the same subject. I used to think that i was being over-sensitive. That i was bias and not rational. Her words today made me realised what i should have done right from the very beginning. Trust myself, trust my intuition.

Sour grapes has always been something i grapple with. people alwaus seem to have more than me, be better than me...do the things i wanna do but cant, experience the stuff i wanna try but cant, and be the person i wanna be but am not. This time, its not simply sour grapes like i thought it was...this time, i know that my observations are not off base. That its not me.

When 2 people get together,they either make it or they dont. i dunno the odds, but i'm guessing that the ones who make it aint that high on the percentage scale. But, when 2 people come together, whether as friends or otherwise, and u see that they not only have chemistry, and friendship, but also love and trust, what would u think?

How about when u know that the person u love doesnt really love u the way u need him to? or when u feel like he loves someone else, but is with u because it has become a habit that is hard to break? What would u do? If u know that the person u love hasnt realised that he loves someone else instead? What will you do? What can u do?

i wanna see the man i love happy. but what if i know that being with me doesnt make him happy. but instead tires him out from the squabblings and the disagreements? What if i know someone else who'd be perfect for him, in terms of size, and chemistry and importance in his life? What if? What should i do?

I dont feel like i'm important to someone, i dont feel like people respect who i am. I'm beginning to forget what it feels like to be loved and pampered, what it feels like to be cherished and taken care of. I'm beginning to stop feeling like i matter. I feel like i'm disappearing. and i feel like i'm already gone.

# posted by myself at 00:57