Free falling has always been scary to me.
You know the team activity where you stand on a platform and just fall backwards? And your team members are supposed to catch u and make sure u dont fall and hurt yourself? Think its called trust fall. I absolutely abhore it. Hate it. Yucks.
I'm usually the last few to go up. Coz i simply cannot fathom the thought of just letting urself go and trusting blindly. How would u know if the people below will catch you? How in the world would u know if, at the end of the day, you dont end up broken?
I've been starting to liken being in love or rather, choosing to love someone, to free falling. The major similiarity? Falling, and falling and NOT knowing if someone's gonna catch you in the process.
In that case, I'm starting to wonder how people start loving another in the first place. Somehow i get the sinking feeling that u're just suppose to let go and fall. Up till today, the only constant defination of the word love, i know, is the one where God so loved the world that He gave His only son...... you know the rest. Not even the love from parents are constant. (I dont mean that our parents dont. I'm just taking into account that there are people out there who do not give two hoots about who they've brought into the world.)
So, as i was saying, how does it really feel to BE in love? Not talking about the fairy tale glittery stuff people use to describe that word. More like what is it to you? Up till now, i still question my feelings for WL. OF Coz, i know that he means quite a lot to me. Important enough for me to blow my friends off just so i get to spend time with him (sorry guys). I also know that i like making him happy. Like to make him laugh. When i see him, i feel happy, and when i dont, i'll think abt him. But, i somehow dont think that all that means love. Coz, i get annoyed with him all the time. It could be the small little things or a really huge one. Or it could simply be because he dug his nose and den hold my hand b4 cleaning it (eeewwwww). I also expect to be pampered back... like how come i'm always the one pampering? i wanna be pampered too!!! Den again, everyone fights, disagrees, get pissed, ALL THE TIME. Well, i also have to confess that i pick on him a lot. Lots of things he does, or not, i'll say something, like why u..... or why you dont.... (I know, i know, nothing's perfect) but if love is as wonderful as all the books and stuff says, why isnt all those in love, wonderfully happy all the time? So are they in love or aint they? So confusing right? Gosh. My mind is a really stupid device.
You know, relationships are really tough to figure out. Especially the ones u seem to care about the most.
There is this other question which has been troubling me lately. How do u know if the person in your life is the one u should be with? I asked those around me who have been married for sometime, and the usual answer is "i dunno" ! O man...is it another free falling thing AGAIN? o man, so maybe i am gonna end up marrying at 45. although i do so hope i'll be hitched by 24 / 25. sigh. Trust. Its something i'll never understand. Nor do easily.
I always felt that trust should be earned. And if its broken too many times, the mending wont make it the same. ther'll always be a scar, always be a memory that the trust was broken. And den what? It'll be a constant reminder, a mar on the perfection of simple trust. In that case, would anything good come out of it?
